Growing Up ?

Do you know what its like to look back in time , think back on the past and realize what all has changed ? To realize that its just too much that you're dealing with currently , while till last night you were just playing games with your play houses? To realize how time is flying by too fast ? How does it feel like ? How does it feel like to grow up and face all these inevitable changes of life; of the Teen world ? Entering the 13s is the most frightful thing ever. The whole crowd tries to kick you back, and you're helpless, cause you don’t know what to do, or where to go. But, soon enough, you're one of the people in the crowd. And life takes a turn. What are birthday parties exactly? Cake, the candles on the cake with tons of wishes, streamers, musical chairs, caps, and the great birthday songs. But this age transforms everything. Birthdays no longer include birthday caps. Singing the birthday song becomes embarrassing. Birthday bums get a whole new different meaning and return gifts don’t matter anymore. Fighting for the best gift doesn't matter anymore, and so does fighting for a god forsake chair while playing musical chairs. Your books become your enemies and cell phones become your best buddies. Studying and getting good grades become old school and not carrying lunch to school becomes a trend. Cartoons no longer make you feel happy, and enter the soaps. 90210 much, eh? Everything seems so new, so fresh that you want to experience every bit of everything. You want to go out there and discover yourself. 13, 14, 15 , its this time, where you wanna try anything and experience everything. Where you have a feeling that this boy that you call your boyfriend is gonna stay forever and for always. And that one day your girls are gonna watch you walk down the isle and commit your life to that very boy. You're thinking wrong, girl. You might just lose yourself and have no clue what next is waiting up for you. And you do start losing it. Losing your inner self. But somewhere, you still have that 'daddy's little girl' attitude in yourself that you don’t wanna let go. Not now, at least.

Turning 16? Where best friends turn into 'bitches' and boyfriends become your first priority, even when you know that that little jerk isn't really staying forever. You know it from within that nothing in the world is stationary but you just don’t want to accept that fact. And it all takes a sharp turn again. Ballet-flats turn into stiletto heels. Getting high becomes the new 'cool' thing and hypes you up, but trust me its not the swings this time. Funny age, where clicking pictures in front of the mirror seems better and Daddy is no longer your photographer. Where pouts rule your face and the pretty smiles are no where to be seen. The extrovert or outgoing girls become either the queens of their own perfect world, or the drama queens, they're called Plastics. And the shy ones? They start being called 'emo' . Either a feeling of superiority occurs where you feel everyone is watching you and taking a notice, or a feeling of alienation or loneliness, where you feel no one can ever love you. No one will ever understand you. Its really easy to tell some girl 'you've changed'. Well, have you noticed yourself from within? You, yourself are changing by the second. What you expect from people and what people expect from you, gets to a whole new level. You just don’t meet those expectations. Playing a game of any sort with your family doesn't matter any more now, does it? Its the least you could give to them, because they expect a lot from you. Girls, are really funny creatures. No matter how they are from the outside, they're always soft from within. They are affirmative of the fact that if they take out some time from their 'messed up' lives, and sit back with the family, or with friends, it might just make a big difference. But, they won’t do so. They're just funny. Period.

What happened to the girl who used to run up to her mom, cry on her shoulder and ask her what she got to do next so her friend won’t get all the more upset with her? What happened to the one who took all her problems and left them with her mom to solve ? What is it like now? Doesn't alcohol or a smoke seem the best option to get out of the tough situation now? It sure does seem the best option. Do you realize what all have you kicked out of the picture in the recent past, and in the last few years? Its a total shock to look back on the past and find so many things missing in your current life. You cant help it, can you? I'd be so glad if I could be my daddy's little girl again.

You would just think that in your life you'll do so many things greater than reading this. But this is just to bring to your notice that things have changed.

You have changed.

Yearning In Vain

Once more I close my eyes

Hoping to see him again

Yearning to myself, yearning in vain

I am desolate without him

To my astonishment, I see him nowhere

I search for him everyday, all in despair

The sound of silence, the Darkness

Following me, leading me to emptiness

This pain I want to be eased

Pain I no longer want to conceal

He left, leaving a crippling effect on me

Leaving a mark that can not be erased

There's too much for the time to destroy

Too many retentives

It stings me, pierces me time and again

But I've learnt to live with this pain

Committing mistakes that I once forbade

The life Im leading is prosaic

I do not know of rapture anymore

I'll stop breathing if I dont see him anymore

Peeved at my condition

I attempt to destroy my life

To get him back, I still strive

No, he isnt sadistic

He knows not of sadism

He shot his words at me, being uniquely explicit

Let me alone to my oblivion

Let me close my eyes once more

Hoping to see him again

Yearning to myself, yearning in vain

Ever Ours

Sigh.

And there he walks

So perfectly

It pinches my heart to see him walk away

It kills me

Eyes red with pain, blood gushing in vain

Deep down, I know he cares, I know he loves

He wouldn't admit it

Deep down, I know he wants to come back

But he wouldn't

Inhale.

Darkness dwells in him

He lets her reside

Does he really need all of this?

Does he really need to do all of this?

'Yes', he would say

No more. Not anymore

Forever, he promised

And with the blink of an eye, broke it

It hurts him, kils him, too

Then why does he have to do all of this?

Why put me through it all?

He has that spark in his eyes

A diamond inside of his heart

That sparkle I've always wanted

A life that shines bright as the stars

He's killing it. He wants to.

Does he really have to?

Mesmerized, I always was, when I saw him

My heart skipped a beat when I knew he was sad

Love kills, slowly, murders

Does he want to be a murderer?

Then why does he have to do this?

He would laugh to make me smile

He would shed a tear if I wept

What he took with him, is my heart, my life

Not only did he take away with him a part of me, he has all of me

And forever will

I wouldn't blame him, for letting me lie on the floor, writhing in pain

He needed it, but never wanted it

It hurts him, it kills him, too

It isn't easy for him

What is his, is mine

What belongs to me, is his

Ever mine, he will be

Ever thine, I am

Ever ours

Exhale.

Change.

Change - something that one has to deal with , something that definitely has to meet you in life and something which is inevitable.

Think about it. Is it good? Is it something that you really want? Is it something that effects the others but makes you happy?

Does it make you lose it? Does it make you lose yourself? Do you want to lose yourself and transform into something you once aspired to become or into some one you never wanted to turn into ? Just , think .

Cause these stages change everything. These changes , change everything. And in the end, you're either left alone , or there's a huge crowd surrounding you. Its either a yes or a no. Its either a good or a bad. Its either positive or negative. You'll take turns in life, and fall into deep pits. You're gonna get up and just move on. Someone once said 'Life's a climb. But in the end, the view is great.' The gravity is gonna pull you down and you'd happily hug the ground without even knowing anything about it. But this time, get up, keep your head held high like you're the ruler here, and just move on. Move forward and never stop. Falling into deep pits would definitely be a great experience. You're gonna love the feeling you'll get after you get up, look back at the silly thing you did, look back at the pit and laugh at the way you just fell, and then remembering your mistake and laughing on it, you just walk off and move on. Just move on.

- Just breathe.

It feels amazing to get your article published in a daily newspaper.

'Way to go girl', they said. I believe them.

Way. To. Go.

Class 10th Board Examination can get you into deep shit at times. And sometimes not.

Originally written on 17-4-2010 , waiting for the CBSE class 10th Board Results.

Check it out :)

-Wednesday , the 18th of August 2010 , The HT Next , School Times , Chandigarh .

Soon coming in HT Next , School Times , Delhi .

You can't compare them.

You cant compare 'love' with 'friendship'. Though both have a thing in common. Either they stay forever, or they last only for some time. 'Love' as they say is 'beyond everything' but , friendship , is beyond all forces of love.

You can manage to live without the love of your life for some time, but you'd never be able to live without your friends.

Maybe, because everytime you land up in a silly situation or a problem, you go to your friends instead. They know you better. They know exactly what dose you want at what time. They know the real 'you' inside of you which wont show itself to the love of your life cause you're scared that it might find it weird or maybe not accept it. Maybe not accept the way you really are. The real you.

Love-Teenage love to be precise-is not stationary. It'll come, and go. Its more of an infatuation, so its for a really short period of time. Maybe for a month or so. Or maybe for even a week.

Friendship, on the other hand is something that stays for ever. Its not even a tag. Its like you've promised the person to abide by all the rules of friendhip. Specially, abiding by the bitching sessions and the evil plans against the other girls who think they're oh-so-cool , that you've always loved. Its a promise that you'll stay together, always, come what may.

But, 'promise' is a big word. Promises in friendship is something more than a statement which you make to the other person that you'll definitely do something or give them something. And, so, promise is a really big word, with a really deep meaning.

Those who don't really get its meaning, usually fake their friendship. They don't make a commitment.

And so, because of these weak bonds, you let other things distract you and dissconnect with your so called 'best friend'. You let other things take over you.

And then that is it. That might be the end of what at some point of time you called a promise. Many a times, you let love take over you. And when love takes over, things change.

When love takes over, you dont wish to be with anyone but yourself. You'd spend a lot of time in thinking how you look and what changes can be brought about in yourself. Everything is colourfull. Even if you're watching an old black and white film, you'll like it. You'll like it and notice every damn romantic scene in it. You'll start smiling all of a sudden even if you're gazing at a blank wall. You'll start forgetting random shit. You'd go through a change. Puk-ish much, huh, boys ?

And what about the girl you, somewhere along the way, that you left behind? Feel guilty ? Haven't you ever looked at the negative aspects of letting love take over your life? No? Everything in the world isn't as pink as you think, in love.

I'm not against it, cause thats just another time of your life that you must enjoy , cause it might never come back. Its just that because of this whole 'going out' crap, you might just forget what may be more important. You'll lose time in no time. You'll never know where the time goes away. You might end up in having a fight with one of your girls and you might start to hate everything. Even if there'll be someone-like your guy-to tell you that he loved you and that that time is just gonna go, you would, from deep inside want you girl to say it to you. You'd want your best friend to assure you, and not your guy.

See the difference? You'll act all I-love-him-so-much-I-could-die-for-him, but deep iside your heart, somewhere, you'll be screaming the name of your girl like crazy. You'll want her back. The same old you , the person before under going the change , would want to break free from the jail of your heart and come back.

But, circumstances wont allow. Your gut wont allow you. And even if it would, you wouldn't listen to it.

Confused ? They're such strong feelings you've got to get confused, but surely you'll find a way out. Surely. You'll figure something out, even if you're so effing screwed, and in the middle of complete mess. Hope, right? This time will go and things would be back to normal again . But you still can't compare the two feelings to each other.

The four Seasons :)

The sun is hot in the sky. Its showing off what its got. It has bestowed us with sparkling yellow flowers of light that falls on the Earth, raising the temperature.

The heat , the light that sparkles on the grey ground. The twisted and turned white lines on the road reminds me of an art. A very thoughtful art. The warm breeze playing with the leaves of the trees. They shake with the wind. They say something. The greenery of the trees and the brown tree trunks and the branches of the trees along the roadside gives me a hope. A hope that someday , S u m m e r would say good bye. The summer heat would be gone. The tightness of the heat, the hotness in the wind. It would all be gone. S p r i n g would come. Spring would be welcomed with joy. New flowers, new leaves, new colors, new sounds. Spring would come and bring us happiness. And its not far from this hotness.

Its not the warmth. Warmth is pleasant. Hotness is the sizzle. The strong hot sizzle that hits and irritates everything coming in its way. that single jolt troubles.

Its torturous. But hope. Hope lures me to think of the new season. Its lures me to think of spring.

Cool breeze , new views, festivals. A u t u m n . Typical autumn breeze. Typical autumn rains. There's a certain type of coolness and sweetness in the Autumn breeze. The autumn wind.

And then, the dew, the fog, the mist, the snow, the drowsiness, the striking cold. W i n t e r . Winter makes me happy. It gives me a feeling that it would come free me from this horrid , pukish summer heat. The temperature would drop. Drop for good.

And rise again.

It just goes on and on. The ups and the downs in the temperature ; The four seasons.

These four seasons bring four new hopes, everytime for the next one. The Summer heat brings hope for the Spring's freshness. The Autumn humidity brings hope for the dry Winter cold. Each season connects itself with the other. Its magical.

The four seasons are magical to me, mystical to me. Interesting as they seem.

The sun remains the same. The giant spotlight up above remains hot in the sky providing the double faced heat.

The sun too is magical. Mystical to me. This cycle goes on. Like how its meant to be.

The cycle of the four seasons, and the sun, it goes on, showing off what they've got :)