Friday, April 1, 2011

Growing Up ?

Do you know what its like to look back in time , think back on the past and realize what all has changed ? To realize that its just too much that you're dealing with currently , while till last night you were just playing games with your play houses? To realize how time is flying by too fast ? How does it feel like ? How does it feel like to grow up and face all these inevitable changes of life; of the Teen world ? Entering the 13s is the most frightful thing ever. The whole crowd tries to kick you back, and you're helpless, cause you don’t know what to do, or where to go. But, soon enough, you're one of the people in the crowd. And life takes a turn. What are birthday parties exactly? Cake, the candles on the cake with tons of wishes, streamers, musical chairs, caps, and the great birthday songs. But this age transforms everything. Birthdays no longer include birthday caps. Singing the birthday song becomes embarrassing. Birthday bums get a whole new different meaning and return gifts don’t matter anymore. Fighting for the best gift doesn't matter anymore, and so does fighting for a god forsake chair while playing musical chairs. Your books become your enemies and cell phones become your best buddies. Studying and getting good grades become old school and not carrying lunch to school becomes a trend. Cartoons no longer make you feel happy, and enter the soaps. 90210 much, eh? Everything seems so new, so fresh that you want to experience every bit of everything. You want to go out there and discover yourself. 13, 14, 15 , its this time, where you wanna try anything and experience everything. Where you have a feeling that this boy that you call your boyfriend is gonna stay forever and for always. And that one day your girls are gonna watch you walk down the isle and commit your life to that very boy. You're thinking wrong, girl. You might just lose yourself and have no clue what next is waiting up for you. And you do start losing it. Losing your inner self. But somewhere, you still have that 'daddy's little girl' attitude in yourself that you don’t wanna let go. Not now, at least.

Turning 16? Where best friends turn into 'bitches' and boyfriends become your first priority, even when you know that that little jerk isn't really staying forever. You know it from within that nothing in the world is stationary but you just don’t want to accept that fact. And it all takes a sharp turn again. Ballet-flats turn into stiletto heels. Getting high becomes the new 'cool' thing and hypes you up, but trust me its not the swings this time. Funny age, where clicking pictures in front of the mirror seems better and Daddy is no longer your photographer. Where pouts rule your face and the pretty smiles are no where to be seen. The extrovert or outgoing girls become either the queens of their own perfect world, or the drama queens, they're called Plastics. And the shy ones? They start being called 'emo' . Either a feeling of superiority occurs where you feel everyone is watching you and taking a notice, or a feeling of alienation or loneliness, where you feel no one can ever love you. No one will ever understand you. Its really easy to tell some girl 'you've changed'. Well, have you noticed yourself from within? You, yourself are changing by the second. What you expect from people and what people expect from you, gets to a whole new level. You just don’t meet those expectations. Playing a game of any sort with your family doesn't matter any more now, does it? Its the least you could give to them, because they expect a lot from you. Girls, are really funny creatures. No matter how they are from the outside, they're always soft from within. They are affirmative of the fact that if they take out some time from their 'messed up' lives, and sit back with the family, or with friends, it might just make a big difference. But, they won’t do so. They're just funny. Period.

What happened to the girl who used to run up to her mom, cry on her shoulder and ask her what she got to do next so her friend won’t get all the more upset with her? What happened to the one who took all her problems and left them with her mom to solve ? What is it like now? Doesn't alcohol or a smoke seem the best option to get out of the tough situation now? It sure does seem the best option. Do you realize what all have you kicked out of the picture in the recent past, and in the last few years? Its a total shock to look back on the past and find so many things missing in your current life. You cant help it, can you? I'd be so glad if I could be my daddy's little girl again.

You would just think that in your life you'll do so many things greater than reading this. But this is just to bring to your notice that things have changed.

You have changed.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Yearning In Vain

Once more I close my eyes
Hoping to see him again
Yearning to myself, yearning in vain
I am desolate without him
To my astonishment, I see him nowhere
I search for him everyday, all in despair
The sound of silence, the Darkness
Following me, leading me to emptiness
This pain I want to be eased
Pain I no longer want to conceal
He left, leaving a crippling effect on me
Leaving a mark that can not be erased
There's too much for the time to destroy
Too many retentives
It stings me, pierces me time and again
But I've learnt to live with this pain
Committing mistakes that I once forbade
The life Im leading is prosaic
I do not know of rapture anymore
I'll stop breathing if I dont see him anymore
Peeved at my condition
I attempt to destroy my life
To get him back, I still strive
No, he isnt sadistic
He knows not of sadism
He shot his words at me, being uniquely explicit
Let me alone to my oblivion
Let me close my eyes once more
Hoping to see him again
Yearning to myself, yearning in vain

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Ever Ours

And there he walks
So perfectly
It pinches my heart to see him walk away
It kills me
Eyes red with pain, blood gushing in vain
Deep down, I know he cares, I know he loves
He wouldn't admit it
Deep down, I know he wants to come back
But he wouldn't

Darkness dwells in him
He lets her reside
Does he really need all of this?
Does he really need to do all of this?
'Yes', he would say
No more. Not anymore
Forever, he promised
And with the blink of an eye, broke it
It hurts him, kils him, too
Then why does he have to do all of this?
Why put me through it all?
He has that spark in his eyes
A diamond inside of his heart
That sparkle I've always wanted
A life that shines bright as the stars
He's killing it. He wants to.
Does he really have to?
Mesmerized, I always was, when I saw him
My heart skipped a beat when I knew he was sad
Love kills, slowly, murders
Does he want to be a murderer?
Then why does he have to do this?
He would laugh to make me smile
He would shed a tear if I wept
What he took with him, is my heart, my life
Not only did he take away with him a part of me, he has all of me
And forever will
I wouldn't blame him, for letting me lie on the floor, writhing in pain
He needed it, but never wanted it
It hurts him, it kills him, too
It isn't easy for him
What is his, is mine
What belongs to me, is his
Ever mine, he will be
Ever thine, I am
Ever ours